Let’s get emotional for six minutes.
Emotions play a vital part in our lives, and I believe that they have a significant impact on the decisions we make.
For instance, think about the last decision you made, I’ll give you a few seconds.
A few seconds later.
Great, now think about which emotions you were experiencing before, during and after you made that decision.
“When our emotions are engaged, we often have trouble seeing things as they are.”
Robert Greene
See, this is what I’m talking about, the more you think about it, the more you will realise that emotions play a massive role in our decision-making
Whether it’s choosing what to wear for the day or making life-changing decisions, our emotions are always involved.
In this volume of Decide, we will explore the relationship between our emotions and decision-making. Through Kelly (my wife) and my story of making the tough decision to leave our home town in South Africa (SA) for a new life in the United Kingdom (UK), we will delve into some of the science of emotions and provide tips for making better decisions.
What are emotions?
Let’s all get on the same page first and define exactly what emotions are.
“Emotions are a process, a particular kind of automatic appraisal influenced by our evolutionary and personal past, in which we sense that something important to our welfare is occurring, and a set of psychological changes and emotional behaviors begins to deal with the situation.”
Paul Ekman, PhD
In the 1970s, psychologist Paul Eckman identified six basic emotions: happiness, sadness, anger, fear, disgust and surprise. Later he also included a seventh, contempt. They are an intrinsic part of our humanity and play an essential role in how we perceive and respond to the world around us.
Identifying and naming emotions has progressed and there are now loads of emotions that we experience, see the below emotional wheel.
The cognitive appraisal theory proposes that our emotions are the result of our interpretation of a situation, rather than the situation itself.
Our emotions about leaving SA and getting settled in the UK were a result of our perception of the situation. We perceived the move as a fantastic opportunity that we were fortunate to be able to do.
Emotions influencing our decisions
They influence our instincts and shape our choices.
Some emotions such as happiness and excitement can lead to positive decisions, while perceived negative emotions such as fear and anger can result in poor decisions.
“It is reason, and not passion, which must guide our deliberations, guide our debate, and guide our decision.”
Barbara Jordan
The prospect theory suggests that people are more likely to take risks to avoid losses than to achieve gains. This means that people are more likely to make a decision based on fear of loss rather than potential gain.
We made the decision with happiness and excitement to go towards adventure in a new country. Kelly and I weren’t running away from anything in South Africa, we love the country and the people in it dearly.
We’ve always said that you can choose to be miserable wherever you are and you can choose to be happy wherever you are.
The choice is yours.
Don’t think that moving countries can be a silver bullet to solve all of your problems.
The impact of emotions on our behaviour
Emotions can have a significant impact on our behaviour.
When we experience intense emotions, we may act impulsively and make decisions without considering the consequences.
When we are angry, we say hurtful things we later regret, I know I’ve done that.
When we are sad, we may engage in unhealthy behaviours such as overeating or not getting enough exercise. Or Netflix with a tub of ice cream, been there, done that, binged Parks and Recreation.
“Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions.”
Elizabeth Gilbert
The dual-process theory suggests that there are two systems of thinking: the intuitive system and the rational system. When we make decisions based on our emotions, we are using the intuitive system. When we make decisions based on facts, we are using the rational system.
Managing our emotions to make better decisions
Managing our emotions is essential if we want to make good decisions.
Being still is one way to manage our emotions. Stillness is the practice of being present in the moment and observing our thoughts and emotions without judgment. By practising stillness, we can learn to recognise and acknowledge our emotions and respond to them in a more positive way.
When last were you still for more than fifteen seconds?
Why don’t you try and be still for a minute, observe your thoughts, and figure out what emotion you are currently experiencing.
“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.”
Helen Keller
The ABC model of cognitive restructuring suggests that we can challenge our negative thoughts by identifying the activating event (A), the belief (B), and the consequence (C).
By examining our beliefs and challenging negative thoughts, we can better manage our emotions and make better decisions.
The importance of emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognise, understand, and manage our own emotions, as well as the emotions of others.
Emotional intelligence is so important if we want to make good decisions, build healthy relationships, and succeed in life.
“We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”
Brené Brown
The RULER approach to emotional intelligence suggests that we can improve our emotional intelligence by Recognising, Understanding, Labeling, Expressing, and Regulating our emotions.
By using this approach, we can become more aware of our emotions and better understand how they influence our decisions.
While living here in the UK there have been numerous times over the past five years that our emotions have got the better of Kelly and I, affecting our decisions. Life here definitely hasn’t been easy, but as Scott Galloway always says it’s been rich.
What had helped us, has been to experience them and not suppress or ignore them. To talk about our emotions has helped us release their hold on our minds. We connect and feel closer when we do.
An emotional challange
In conclusion, emotions no doubt play a role in our decision-making process. As discussed they influence our instincts, shape our choices, and impact our behaviour.
By managing our emotions and developing our emotional intelligence, we can make better decisions and lead more fulfilling lives.
As an emotional challenge this next week, I encourage you to practice stillness at least once per day and to develop your emotional intelligence by using the RULER approach.
Take a moment each day to recognise and observe your emotions without judgment. Use the ABC model to challenge negative thoughts and develop positive thinking patterns. By doing so, you can aid in overcoming unhelpful thought patterns.
Every decision you make is a reflection of who you are.
“Know thyself.”
Socrates
Enjoy the rest of your Wednesday, and I’ll see you next week.
Ty
P.S. Say hey on Twitter and if you have a moment I would love your feedback on this volume, you can leave a comment here.
